Acknowledgements and Apologies to Heal Many Souls

My recently married brother in law sidled up to me, with an all-knowing look - "My wife complains that I talk too much. It is crazy. She is the talker!". He smirked and said, " You know what all women are like!!".

I honestly did not know, and said so.

He looked confused and I spoke again. "In this family we never talk ill of people, especially by virtue of their gender or any "classification." We respect each other".

I now never talk badly of women, to men. Because, if I do, I then talk badly of the love of my life, Arthie. Equally I will never talk negatively of all men. If I do, I include myself.

"Just think?" I said to him. "Who do you love? Who do you go home to? Who have you chosen to spend the rest of your life with?"

"My wife," he answered, as he sheepishly looked down.

"So why on earth do you choose to bring her, your mother, your sister and all the women in the world down?

"You’re right," he said and he has never again spoken poorly of women, at least to me. It is fantastic because we can now have meaningful discussions.

This is not just something my brother in law did. It is perpetuated on a daily basis, by certain women - about men and some men about women. (And by many people about humans from other races...)

Arthie and I celebrate our humanness everyday. We never globally attack any person, group, gender, culture or religion. We are all human and all one race - the human race. So it was strange to be on the other side of gender-based comments, at a recent conference for women.

A speaker, pumped up to be speaking to an audience of "her kind", identified the two men in the back of the room. In her opening greeting, she noted, "Oh, I see that we have two "Y chromosomes" here."

I was shocked and cut to the quick. From being a participating supporter of the entire conference and its concepts, I was now an outsider. Not a human any longer, just a thing.

It really hurt me that day to be called a "Y" chromosome. It was painful to hear such a disparaging, distasteful and isolating comment from a woman, targeting all men. Me included! And unfortunately she was not alone. A number of speakers got in their jabs.

And suddenly, in that room, I was no longer a human - I was a just a "man." A mean and negative creature. A non-woman.

This set my mind on a path of looking at the issue from the "other side."

How have most women felt as they are, and have been, abused for their falsely perceived lack of skills, hair colour, weight, age, intellect and even physical strength? All based on a "male" perception of the genetic abilities of the feminine gender!

Most of us have had the fortune to be raised by our mothers. After incredible discomfort and pain, they have nurtured, raised and loved us.

And then we become the boys, and later men, who learnt from their peers and their dads to be disrespectful.

Some of us reach the lowest levels of taunting and demeaning women. Some take it far further and physically abuse them.

And some men make "generous and patronising" comments like, "Behind every successful man is a woman." In fact, many members of the feminine gender say the same, and some even fling negative "female" comments at other women.

I personally believe that families are teams and no-one person is superior in all matters, skills or talents. We all add to each other. Male or female - big or small.

In our wonderful relationship, I support Arthie and she supports me. She has never walked behind me, or been any less than me. She is my equal and we stand side-by-side. Her success is my success and mine is hers.

We are there for each other and we are there to build each other. Always working from love and respect.

So that little jab, at this over-sensitive man, may have hurt. It certainly shocked me. But it is nothing like the everyday pain that most women endure at the hands of disrespectful, unaware and abusive boys and men.

Yes. It must really hurt, at times, to be a women.

I am so sorry. Because I too have not always been respectful. My actions and my attitude have not always been as they are now. And I apologise to all the females who I have hurt, or caused to be, hurt.

And I wish that I could personally apologise for all of the disrespect, that so many men have shown to women - through the ages. I can’t, so I will ensure that I personally treat all humans with respect and know that, at the very least, my son will learn from my positive actions.


Brian V Moore© May 2005

Celebrating Humanity - Workplace Diversity and Workplace Diversity Management Consultants